Why Women Break Up With Their Husband’s Financial Advisor
The year was 2013. I was attending my first TD Ameritrade Institutional conference.
All of the attendees were very familiar with the statistic that 100% of the assets leave the firm 80% of the time when wealth is transferred from one generation to the next. What some of them had started to realize was that this pattern also applied when wealth was transferred from the husband to his wife after his passing.
100% of the assets leave the firm 80% of the time when there is a transfer of wealth.
To help the advisor community, TD Ameritrade had arranged for a speaker who could share strategies for developing a trusted relationship with the wife and mitigate the risk of losing the assets from their firm’s portfolio.
When recapping the session for my colleagues who could not attend, I referred to it as “How to Talk to Women.”
My reason for sharing this decade-old story is that the attitudes that led to women breaking up with their husband’s advisors have been resurfacing with a vengeance.
While I cannot recall the name of the speaker, her observations have served me well over the years. Hopefully, this recounting of her talk will help women and men identify the patterns to avoid frustration and return to more healthy communication.
Advisor: Do you think that this would work?
Me: I am pretty sure it will.
The audience in this session was filled with men and women cosplaying as men, all attentively listening for tips and tricks that would help them retain those assets under management.
The speaker’s suggestions were simple:
- Start building the relationship with her now, not when her husband passes away.
- Speak to her as if speaking to your mother, wife, sister, or daughter.
- Answer her questions clearly and honestly.
The third part of her presentation provided the bit of wisdom that I carry with me to this day.
Women assume that you think poorly of them, they have nothing to lose by asking questions.
For decades, advisors have told their predominantly male clients to trust them. Because of societal norms, that’s precisely what these male clients did. They never questioned anything that their advisor said or did.
Women, on the other hand, had advisors on their toes. Because women assume that you think poorly of them, they have nothing to lose and would ask questions.
Unfamiliar with being asked to clarify their advice or actions, advisors felt put on the spot and responded with their default response, “Just trust me,” triggering the wife’s breakup with her husband’s advisor.
The speaker helped the audience understand that their female clients were not questioning their ability to provide quality services. They were simply trying to understand. So, if they wanted to keep these clients upon the husband’s passing, they needed to get comfortable answering these questions as if they were speaking to their mother, wife, sister, or daughter.
In the ensuing years, I saw men in the advisor community and beyond learning and applying the lessons shared in that conference session, leading to much richer, and trust filled conversations both in and outside of the workplace.
While many have reverted to their antiquated “just trust me” behaviors, I have faith that we’ll return to the more powerful and impactful approach of speaking to each other as people we appreciate being in community with.
