How ‘The Dog Whisperer’ taught me to lead

It was a tumultuous time for me when Cesar Millan entered my life. The economy was still reeling from the financial crash of 2008; I had broken off an engagement and had been recently diagnosed with kidney cancer. One weekend, I was looking for an escape and found myself immersed in a Dog Whisperer tv marathon. That weekend, through his television show, Cesar both began his rehabilitation of me, as well as my training.

No dog is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate dogs, I train people. I am the dog whisperer. — Cesar Millan

If you’re not familiar with Cesar’s teachings, this probably sounds a bit odd, but it’s not. Humans are not separate from the animal kingdom. We are part of it. And just like dogs, humans need healthy packs (teams, families, communities…) to thrive.

When Cesar works with a dog, he doesn’t focus on what’s in that dog’s past. He looks for ways to help the dog overcome their traumas so that they can be a contributing member of a healthy pack. I started to look at myself in the same way that Cesar looks at a dog that he is rehabilitating. I looked at the stories that I was holding onto, identified which ones were not serving me, and decided to let those go.

With my head a bit more clear, I now had the opportunity to see if I could help apply the lessons that Cesar was teaching me elsewhere to help my work pack, family pack, friend pack, and society.

I realized that the people around me (much like dogs) lacked the things Cesar provides to his packs. They didn’t have calm, assertive leaders who prioritized the pack's health, provided the pack the rules, boundaries and limitations, and made them feel safe and protected.

Now, I didn’t tell everyone that I was “rehabilitating” or “training” them. I played with different ways to provide to my packs of people what Cesar provided to his packs of dogs.

When I encountered a situation where there was a lack of clarity on the rules, boundaries and limitations for the pack, I would carefully introduce rules, boundaries, and limitations. This didn’t require me to declare myself as the “pack leader” and throw off the group's social order. I just did it.

By paying attention to each person, understanding what mattered most to them, and finding common ground between pack members and different packs, I figured out where to make which assertions and changes.

I introduced one element at a time, letting the pack know that if any of the decisions that I made had a negative impact, that I would personally take the reputational hit and would do everything that I needed to make each member of the pack whole again.

Over time, the pack members, including the people “in charge of the pack,” would turn to me for guidance because they understood that my highest priority was the health of the pack.

A large part of why I have been successful is that very few people practice this servant leadership style. It is a type of leadership that humans instinctively crave. When people see it, they cling to it how a person will cling to a watering hold in the middle of a desert.

This is the shadow side of my success and is, in large part, why I am writing this post.

As more people join the ranks of helpers, caretakers, community managers, office housekeepers, work moms, class/community moms, aunties, uncles… we distribute the responsibility across many and create the conditions that allow the positive energy from one pack to join the positive energy from another… as these waves join one another…

Now that’s something that I want to see.